please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
