I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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