walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
