is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
