she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
