Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize