i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
