Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
