Already got asked if we're dating
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
