You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
