Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
