oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
