At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
