Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
