Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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