you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
