U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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