i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
