I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
