Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
