we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
foreskin is a definite game changer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
