Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
