my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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