Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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