Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
