sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Go christen that room with your naked body.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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