the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
