he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
