I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
