no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
