Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
