So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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