Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
