God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
