i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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