I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
