You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
