I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
