Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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