Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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