youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
