Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
