you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
