i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
