I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
