haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize