I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
