oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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