he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
