Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
