It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
