Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
