Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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