Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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