Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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