On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
