Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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