I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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