I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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