so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
