you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
