Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
