I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize