So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
