I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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