wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
