she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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