I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
